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Mr Coldstream
The Ultimate Warrior
2006
The Welfare Office (in
conjunction with the Wives Club) recently organised Mr Coldstream 2006 -
billed as 'Mr Coldstream - The Ultimate Warrior'. The event is organised for
any wives of Coldstreamers (or attached personnel), and any female serving
soldiers attached to the Coldstream Guards.
The event itself along the lines of a Mr Universe/Miss World Competition
where contestants will parade down the 'Coldstream Catwalk' in front of the
female only audience in different orders of dress. The judges (who are
picked on the night) then score each contestant on a number of 'traits', wit
added points to the contestant if he can remain on the catwalk for the full
two minutes.
The event was a great success, but a special thank you has to go to those
sponsors to Mr Coldstream, without which there would not have been prizes to
entice the 'volunteers' into taking part.
The sponsors for this event were:
The QM (PRI Shop) for the fantastic gifts provided
&
Steve at www.SVP.co.uk for the
OUTSTANDING PRIZES!
(shown on the advertising posters below)
Below is an exclusive article,
written by a contestant of Mr Coldstream 2006 for ShinyCapstar.
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Mr Coldstream 2006
By 2Lt Powell
I remember the day that I volunteered for this year’s Mr
Coldstream competition very well indeed. I use the term
‘volunteered’ here very loosely indeed. Urged, pushed or ordered
would perhaps be more suitable. It was Captain Bailey who told
me in passing that I was needed in the Orderly room. It was at
this point that I knew I was doomed. A 2Lt is only ever ‘needed’
in the Orderly room if he is about to be cut-down by the
Adjutant or questioned by the Commanding Officer about things
that no man would ever stand a chance of knowing. I reported to
the Orderly room as instructed. ‘Ah Powell’. I was a dead man
for sure. ‘Just say yes’. It was not the Adjutant who had in
fact called for me, but Major Thurstan, the amiable, jovial 3
Company Commander- what could possibly go wrong. ‘Ummm…yes?’ I
replied. ‘Splendid! you’ve just volunteered yourself for the Mr.
Coldstream competition!’ Bugger. A classic 2Lt ‘pinging’
straight from the once amiable 3 Company Commander. It was then
that I realised the fear in Sniper’s eyes. There was no going
back, it was official, I was a Mr Coldstream contestant.
In the weeks that led up to the competition, I became
increasingly concerned about my wellbeing. Nobody in Victoria
Barracks was able to tell me how the evening actually worked.
All I knew was that the audience was composed entirely of the
wives and girlfriends of the Battalion, and that there was a
certain amount of parading to be done. ‘I think it’s like the Mr
Universe competition’ Captain Lee described to me…’only worse’.
My lack of knowledge of the event worried me immensely, as too
did the lack of knowledge of the Battalion.
It was only on the day of the competition that I learned of the
task in hand. Each contestant was to parade down the catwalk a
total number of three times in three different orders of dress.
Each parade was to last 2 minutes, which was helped along by a
dance tune of your choice. Dress number 1 was to be ‘Dinner
Jacket or Lounge suit’, dress number two was ‘beach or sports
wear’, and dress number three was ‘an order of dress that best
reflects your personality’. With little to no time to get to a
fancy-dress shop to hire a costume for the final act, I had to
ask around the officers’ mess for help. ‘I’ve got a Gladiator
costume replied Mr Evans. And so he did…why he had a Gladiator
costume I didn’t ask…but he had one. And so it was, that in a
matter of hours I was to parade in front of the Battalion wives
and girlfriends with little else on other than a Roman
skirt…maintaining credibility was no longer possible.
There were a total of eight contestants in all, and, if I might
say some strong competition. The sight of Guardsman Lamb
limbering up in the corner of the changing room un-eased his
opposition considerably- there was little doubt that he was in
for the win. Guardsman Sealey of Number 2 Company was a strong
contender also…surely his boyish good looks would break him
clean of the pack. There was also Guardsman Visser of Number 1
Company who some would say looks remarkably like Cliff Richard.
The crowd would certainly vote him a winner. I knew that if I
was to take the title of Mr Coldstream 2006, I would have to
raise my game. The competition began, and we were all thrown
into the Lion’s den.
It is there that I will leave you baying for blood by leaving
the details of the night locked away with those only who
participated or who watched. It is only for me to say that the
evening was a great success and was great fun to be involved
with. I strongly encourage anyone who wants to participate in
future years to have a go- a real a once in a life-time type of
thing. Most notably for myself because I ended up winning the
competition, which was, believe me a very real shock and
embarrassment….as Drill Sergeant Dart so eloquently put it…’You
Sir? How the **** did you win?…you’re an ugly b***ard!! Thank
you Drill Sergeant, how kind.
I mentioned at the beginning that I knew that I was a dead man
as soon as I set foot in the Orderly room that day….and how
right I was. Not only were Mrs Waters, Mrs Hall and Mrs Beattie
sat in the audience, but Mrs Carr and Mrs Gibson too. Ouch.
ShinyCapstar
Note, the wives that Mr Powell refers to the wife of the
Commanding Officer, Quartermaster, Regimental Careers Management
Officer, Regimental Sergeant Major & CSM Gibson (his Company
Sergeant Major), no wonder he was worried!
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