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Exercise
Wives Fury
By the Regimental Sergeant Major
“I want to be a real soldier for a weekend; can you sort it out
please” said Sue over the dinner table one sunny July evening –
and so Exercise Wives Fury was born.
Mr & Mrs ‘Sarnt Major
Setting the date for the second weekend in October due to other
commitments was a bit ambitious but with global warming nothing
can be accurately predicted nowadays. After consultation with a
few senior Sergeants’ Mess members we scraped the idea of escape
and evasion, hunted by dogs and armed men and settled instead
for Kayaking, stalking and the high wire confidence course.
Now to accommodation, shall we let them sleep rough under the
stars or do we still want to be talking after the two nights!,
food do we give them “Floppy” the loveable long eared bunny as
they arrive then ask them to kill, skin and eat him or do we
produce all the meals. Washing and shaving; shall we let them
shower or stink, then finally protection do we let them stag on
protecting themselves from the evils of the night or do we do
the right think and protect our own?
And so the team was selected, Tom Sawyer the Battalion’s PTI
would book, run and oversee the high wire confidence course,
Paul Downes the Regimental Quartermaster Sergeant would sort out
food, toilets, clothing and materiel. Nasty Nige Hicks Tech guru
would create Camp Attitude and provide all it took to produce it
and Spence Wright CSM 2 Coy who’s task was to produce for me “
I’m a Coldstreamer’s Wife get me outa here”
Dave ‘Water-Baby’ Claydon pops up to say hello
OK who’s going to do the labouring then – I know, get all of the
husbands of those interested to do the humping and dumping then
to add some humour when the girls are tired and dirty we can get
them to close the place down.
Instructions: Paul see what you can do on the Portaloo front
something comfortable preferably in pink with pot pouri
emanating from within – yeh right! Clothing I’ll speak to the
Quartermaster, food come up with a plan I’m seeing hot
breakfasts packed meals oh yeh and I want a full Regimental
Dinner in the field for the Sat night – OK!
Nige make me the set from I’m a celebrity - I want games Spence
I want maggots I want muck - sort it!
Tom, Tom how high did you say that confidence course is?
I’ll get Adam to produce the necessary advertising material and
the Families office and Wives Club can go recruiting.
The plan then, after reconvening, adjusting, loosing training
areas having sleepless nights was as follows:
Friday meet all the girls in the Sergeant’s Mess give then
alcohol to settle those nerves then food to see them through the
long night ahead, brief then carry out a kit check to see that
they had all the essentials.
Saturday Up early wash and shave (!) breakfast then split into 3
groups for the days activities.
Team 1 Kayaking in a freezing cold lake with our guest
instructors Dave Claydon and Shane Grant, high wire confidence
course with Big Bad Tom then Camouflage concealment and Stalking
with Spence.
.
'Much to the disgust of all those trying to conduct some night
tactical training, Camp Attitude was draining the national grid
it was like daylight in a see of dark..'
Teams two and three would conduct the same in a different order.
After that all teams would meet and conduct a small orienteering
course cunning designed to get the girls to the shower block in
Gibraltar Bks. After freshening up we would all meet back for
the Saturday night Regimental Dinner followed by games Celeb
style then bed early.
Sunday: wash and shave followed by breakfast, pack up Camp
Attitude then return to the Mess for Sunday Roast and some jolly
backslapping.
Excitement mounted as 2000hrs approached Friday D Day. Some
wives not being able to contain themselves were an hour early –
couldn’t wait to get rid of the kids to hubby for the weekend!
After briefing the girls, letting them get dressed into combats
and answering some bone questions we moved as a team for the
first time to the Gym for the kit check.
Linda Hall the Quartermaster’s wife was naturally dress with all
the latest issued kit, if it was on the shelves in the clothing
store Lindi loo had it! Then there was Elaine Hicks who
throughout the weekend would earn the prestigious title “Camp
Tramp” remember Elaine buttons are for doing up!
A quick brew stop at ‘Camp Attitude’
At 2330hrs we boarded the coaches and set off for Camp Attitude,
during the 30min journey I finally came clean about what these
30 brave souls were about to let themselves in for. Bellies full
of bacon sandwiches a tiny quantity of alcohol to settle nerves
and the realisation that we were now on manoeuvres moral was
high.
Much to the disgust of all those trying to conduct some night
tactical training, Camp Attitude was draining the national grid
it was like daylight in a see of dark.
'Reveille
came to us the chosen few at 0600hrs we moved into “Attitude”
and woke up the sleepy kittens up with a foghorn!'
The girls settled down, laid out their kit then received a
safety brief which included explaining that trips to the
Portaloos some 50 metres up an extremely dark track must be
conducted in pairs to minimise the likelihood of abduction by
the Gooly Men! By 0100hrs all were in and settled then the
nattering started, some teams even produced small amounts of
prohibited alcohol. Now I’ve mentioned at the top of this
article about security well there were 5 of us so we split the
night down and as I sat there talking to Nige all seemed quiet
and peaceful in our little world. Then from out of one of the
tents the crinkled up half asleep face of my wife Sue appeared
“where’s my pillow?” I tried hard to explain that we were sat in
a dense wood in the middle of Surrey at 0200hrs, camp was 30
miles away and that all the pillow trees had shed their contents
in preparation for the oncoming winter!
Reveille came to us the chosen few at 0600hrs we moved into
“Attitude” and woke up the sleepy kittens up with a foghorn!
Hands off c**ks on with socks didn’t quite seem appropriate so
we slide away and prepared breakfast. Moral was low the
generator that was powering the “Tude” had kept a number of the
girlies awake that combined with little time to apply their
faces created a sense of dread an all to familiar sight for a
married man with kids. Surprisingly after a hearty breakfast and
no sympathy from the staff moral was at a high. The teams split
and went to their various activities some quite outstanding
performances were produced with ladies concurring fears and in
some cases out doing their own husbands (thanks Sue!)
The Regimental Dinner was a fantastic success, there’s nothing
like sitting at a well laid out candlelit table sipping wine
enjoying a good old Army curry in the middle of nowhere! After
dinner games went exceptionally well, all that I had asked for
had been produced there was hunt the Capstar in bowls of maggots
and custard, feeding blindfolded team mates all sorts of
undesirable things and Pillow fighting – yes I’d found a Pillow
tree! Finally then our ladies retired to another alcohol fuelled
sleep.
Sunday produced the quickest decampment in history with all
girls doing what they do best communicating and multi tasking
much to the delight of Nasty Nige who was quoted as saying:
“Give me a fatigue party of these any day over our boys!”
Finally then we returned to Victoria Barracks to a hot shower, a
well deserved certificate proving completion, some kind words of
thanks from the Wives Club and a Sunday lunch.
The final word remains with the women warrior who, when her
husband appeared with a car full of kids nearly climbed in the
driver’s window to give him a kiss, still covered in cam cream
unshowered she said to him “Wait till I get you home I’m feeling
horny!” In disgust he turned away. Laughing uncontrollably she
said “Now YOU know how it feels!”
Troopers, Ingrid Hawksby, Michelle McReavy, and trying not
to show her excitement, Nicola Hargrave
In production of the weekend I would like to express my sincere
thanks to the following The Quartermaster, The Team, The chefs,
The Drivers, Dave and Shane, The Wives Club and The Families
Office. – we will not be doing it again!
Also don't forget to check out the
video's of all images from this weekend that's on the
ShinyCapstar YouTube account
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